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March 02, 2004

Let's pretend

I'm a mad scientist. A Liberal mad scientist. I don't want to rule the world, I want to save it where it wants to be saved or not.

Bwah-hah-ha!

I've come to the conclusion that race is the biggest problem facing the world, the one that most needs solving. So I've studied the nature of melanin and devised two viruses: airborne, highly contagious, affects only humans. And they have exactly two effects, no side effects: they change your hair and skin properties. One increases melanin production a random amount (you see, the presence of melanin suppresses it's action, which also means it only works on white folks) and kinkifies the hair. The other decreases melanin production a random amount (this virus is activated in the presence of a certain amount of melanin, which also means it only works on Black folks) and relaxes their hair.

Which one should I unleash on the teeming, unsuspecting masses? Why?

Posted by P6 at March 2, 2004 04:08 PM
Trackback URL: http://www.niggerati.net/mt/mt-tb.cgi/656
Comments

Trick question! The answer is neither, because either way the people whose appearance was transformed would somehow remain identifiable (even if someone had to come up with some special marker to do it) and so your virus would not solve the problem.

Posted by Luis at March 2, 2004 04:32 PM

They would be identifiable by cultural markers, yes. But as varied as the appearance within each cultural group, sorting folks by race would be impossible.

I did think about making white folks' noses wider. What with global warming they're going to need to make some climate-based adjustments to stay comfortable.

Posted by P6 at March 2, 2004 04:57 PM

Ah yes, I should have said cultural markers because I was assuming you were saying you would be making people physically indistinguishable. Actually, I thought that your point was going to be about the infinite malleability of racism.

Posted by Luis at March 2, 2004 05:09 PM

Us Libertarians would decide per compound auction:

everyone interested could deposit money attached to his choice. whatever choice has the biggest money pile attached to it, wins. The money is then distributed to the losers proportional to the money they deposited as a compensation:

Alice: blue $10K
Bob: blue $20K
Charlie: indifferent
Doug: red: $15K
Eric: red: $30K

red wins, and alice and bob get compensated with $15k and $30k respectively for becoming red when they would have preferred being blue.

Posted by dof at March 2, 2004 05:11 PM

Luis:

My point, I guess, is more to think about what would happen if race wasn't available to "explain" the ills of society. Like if suddenly everyone on The Young and The Restless had brown skin and kinky hair, or if everyone in the movies "looked like me" but not like my self-image. And would white people turned brown start acting the way they thing brown people do? Vice versa? And would it work? And what would happen to all the people whose only claim to dignity is that they're better than people they're really indistinguishable from? Would they change Jesus's eye color?

Bunch of questions I have no answers for.

Posted by P6 at March 2, 2004 05:25 PM

DoF:

Get yer own mad scientist!

By the way, the unfortunates I'm inflicting my virus on have no choice in the matter. I just have to decide which is worse: universal ebonics or universal rock music.

Posted by P6 at March 2, 2004 05:26 PM