As Satan Scrubbed My Toilet
It's a slew of new, disposable products that really scream "Screw the planet, I'm an American!" Life is good
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, May 28, 2004
Pity the poor beleaguered housewife, still struggling like a haggard dog through her array of thankless daily chores.
Just look at her, hair pulled tight and life a-shambles, saddled with all manner of horrible bristly toilet brushes and horrible sponges and horrible cloth towels to wipe down the horrible countertops and then topping it all off with being forced to use one of those horrible old-fashioned bristle brooms to sweep the floor. Horrible!
Thank God, then, for modern ultraconvenience. Thank God for the corporate household-product industry, so thoroughly glutted on excess merchandise and overinvention they can't possibly think of things we actually need anymore. And thank God for our concomitant complete lack of any real environmental conscience. Yay America!
See, now, the happily narcotized, entirely sexless, vaguely bulbous modern housewife in the recent TV commercial as she finally tosses away her angry, growling, animated (!) toilet brush (see how it snaps and snarls at her like a drunken deadbeat dad! See her toss it into the trash can and then plop her butt down on it in satisfied glee!) in favor of -- say it with me -- disposable toilet scrubbers you use once and throw away!
Like the ScotchBrite! Or the Clorox ToiletWand™! Or the Scrub N' Flush! Or the Scrubbing Bubbles™ Fresh Brush™ Toilet Cleaning System! Yes, Virginia, the world is certainly headed in the right direction.
Just watch that brush head break apart in a swirl of pulpy chemical fibers in the toilet. Look at the nifty cheap-ass landfill-plastic handle -- remember, it's not a brush, it's a "toilet-cleaning system." Look at the shiny plastic tub of refills you have to buy every month just to keep the goddamn thing stocked before the handle snaps in half and you have to buy a whole new one because it's actually worth about seven cents and is made by disposable factory workers in Malaysia who die of petroleum-related cancer even faster than BushCo can decimate the Clean Air Act. Neat!
See? Life is easier already. Who knew you needed a new toilet brush to replace that tough metal one you had that lasted years? No one, that's who! What was wrong with the old, sturdy kind? Nothing, that's what! Hail marketing!
Posted by P6 at May 29, 2004 05:02 AM
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Comments
I just finished reading "Brave New World", and one of the things drilled into each newly decanted person is to consume. Never mend clothing; discard itand buy new. They society was engineered to consume for the same of consumption.
Oh, and thanks for pointing out Morford has a new column up. He's a must read for me.
Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano also picked up on it. In the book, everything had a specific lifetime…say a refrigerator will last five years. Five years to the day after your refrigerator was delivered delivery men just show up with a new refrigerator and a five year financing contract authorizing direct payments from your unemployment check.
Posted by P6 at May 29, 2004 11:40 PM