Philosoraptor:

My Alternative Counter-Terrorism Plan for the $200 Billion We've Spent in Iraq

Here's my plan for the $200 billion we've spent in Iraq. The plan is designed as a counter-terrorism plan, and, since our actions in Iraq are alleged to be part of the "global war on terror," my plan constitutes an alternative to the administration's strategy of invading Iraq.

My Plan for the $200 Billion:

Burn it. Put it in a big fucking pile, pour gas on it and burn it up. Reduce it to ashes. Scatter it to the four winds.

Wasteful, you say? A foolish allocation of funds? Au contraire, mon frere. Speaking purely from a national security perspective for a moment and ignoring humanitarian considerations, my plan is far, far more efficient and cost-effective than that of the Bush Administration. Had we employed my plan, at least we wouldn't be spending our own money to help our enemies, we'd merely be wasting it. It's rather like the difference between throwing away $1000 on the one hand and using it to buy $1000 worth of cigarettes on the other--at least if you do the former, you aren't wasting money and killing yourself. But since smoking cigarettes can at least provide you with some pleasure, that analogy doesn't really work. A better one: It's like the difference between throwing away that $1000 and giving it to the Aryan Nation for its recruitment drive. By comparison, throwing the cash away is positively thrifty. By comparison, it's a brilliant plan.