Do not make the mistake of thinking that because my conclusion is the same as another person's that my reasoning is the same
I'm anticipating a something of a slide in my Ecosystem ratings, and something of a drop in traffic.
I started blogging as therapy, kinda. For reasons of personal denial I had a major problem with diabetes about two years ago. Probably mentioned it before. How major? How's being 6'2" and sliding from 195 lbs (and I've never been fat) to 145 lbs? That's just the outward difficulty and enough self exposure thanks, except to say that the blogging only started a couple of months after I had enough strength to consider doing much more than watch DVDs. It was the level of human contact I could have without showing folks how bad a somewhat vain Black man can look.
Now I'm totally out of denial--fear of death will do that. I've got some discipline with diet and medication going on and I'm back up to (an almost as solid as before) 195-200 lbs. How well I look (a matter of health) on any given day depends a lot on how well I feel, both physically and psychologically. And I feel better with some controlled exposure to other humans. It's got to be controlled because I'm so purged that a 20oz Bud Ice sets me off for most of the evening, and a lack of sleep will have me feeling like shit for half the next day.
But you know what? I'm going to have that controlled human exposure. I see this as necessary because I like life and I want mine back. I'm just going to ease into it so I don't break shit again. Maybe I'll try one of these blogger get-togethers I hear goes on in New York City periodically.
What that means (and this is something I've been thinking about for a couple of days and decided on in the last like 20 minutes) is I'm going to do progessively less mainlining of news and hence progressively less blogging about it. And I have to disengage from some things that I've gotten involved with…that has actually already begun.
I like writing, though. Always have. So I'm not going anywhere. And this post not withstanding, I'm a kind of detached, private person so it won't ever be a diary at this address. The subjects I've been blogging about are important in my view so any changes will in style, and will be gradual.
Posted by P6 at October 3, 2003 06:04 PM | Trackback URL: http://www.prometheus6.org/mt/mt-tb.cgi/1835Do your thang, bro! I don't blog about every news item I see either. I rather fill myself up like a tea kettle and BLOW! LOL...
Hey man, in New York City, human exposure is not hard to find. Just take a walk on a sunny day and smile at the people who walk by. But most people's human contact in general is pretty superficial. "How many tickets do you need?" "Excuse me." "Bless you." "Thanks." "Can I take your order?" "You want fries with that?" "What the hell do you think you're looking at?"
I'm not from the city, but one of my favorite spots are those benches on the south end of that pond in Central Park where people can rent row boats. This is the one place in NYC I could sit all day and be perfectly content. Not sure why. Maybe because the few days I have were good days. It is already getting cold, though.
As far as meaningful relationships, most people are limited to co-workers, family, and old friends, really. Get far beyond that and you're a lot further than most of us. Definitely see your point about mainlining news. Before weblogs, I used to be able to read more than ten pages of a book, or get a full nights sleep. Now I'm like a college student cramming for finals, daily. Not the way to live in the long run.
As they'd say in Chi-Town. Take it easy.
Train:
I'm an introvert in the sense that I gauge everything by its impact on me. So if I wait until I blow, all that pressure goes in the direction in which I'm pointing my attention, i.e., inward. Not always a good thing.
Sis:
I still got a way to go, but I see the way to go. Part of the way, anyway. Like The Oracle told Neo, we can never see past the result of the choices we don't understand.
Mike:
I ain't looking for meaninful relationships at this time. I want to learn a bit, get back in touch with the people who are important (which, on the off-chance devorah is reading this, is one reason I have to get back to the Bay area for a couple weeks), meet some kinds of folks I didn't normally meet in my previous life and (on the off-chance devorah is NOT reading this) possibly meet an intelligent, attractive graduate student that wants enjoy herself until she graduates and moves on to something new.
All subject to change, but that's the way it looks at the moment.
I udnerstand completely. I have done much the same thing after taking a two month break from blogging. Writing about my daughter is much more therapeutic than writing about the news. But some days I just can't resist.
Sorry to hear about your health situations. I wish you good health, peace and many blessings. I just discovered your blog recently and you're leaving , boo hoo it's all good though :)
Take care of yourself
Well I just had to read one post further to find out a lot more about you. I just moved from NY to Hawaii a year ago and the change has definitely highlighted for me how the cultures of different places relate to casual contact among strangers. It was similar when I lived in San Francisco years ago, before the corporate/techno boom brought the Houston transplants in search of renown and riches. It is so nice to be able to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop or clerk at the post office and have it really be a heartfelt exchange of life goings on.
I think that kind of contact feeds a person more than hearing someone was impressed by your ideas. Both are great, but ultimately we want affection for who we are more than we want esteem for what we think. The personal account of what goes on in a person's life, including thoughts about collective issues but not limited to them, is probably more enriching to write and by connecting with readers at a more intimate level it also evokes responses that are probably more meaningful too. Anyway, I wish you the greatest health and happiness. May you find the method for least energy expenditure for maximum happiness return.