I couldn't make this up. This morning, the US Department of the Interior is turning over the Mall in front of the Washington Monument to Pepsi-Cola Corporation to promote their new "Pepsi Vanilla."

This has gotten the Washington Post's liberal columnists' knickers in a twist. But they don't know the half of it.

Beyond renting the Monument grounds to Pepsi, President Bush has agreed to re-name the looming recession, "The Pause That Refreshes."

Furthermore, as part of a larger "re-brand America" campaign, the National Institute for Health has announced that the fourth new food group in the 'nutrition pyramid' after dairy foods, meat and fiber will be, Fizzy Brown Stuff.

The Bush Administration has moved swiftly to respond to objections to the commercialization of the nation's heritage sites. The complaints, from Pepsi rival Coca Cola, will be addressed by re-naming the Bill of Rights. Attorney General John Ashcroft is expected to announce today that, "those ten outdated amendments will be called 'Bill of Rights Classic,' while the post-PATRIOT Act version will henceforth be called, 'New Rights Lite.'" A spokesman for Mr. Ashcroft added that Anne Coulter will be renamed, simply, "Lite."