A couple of comments. Some white people would deny up and down that they are racists and would instead say that they are friends of blacks and other minorities; but if you look at their actions they patronize minorities. As a Native American, I see this all the time, white people who have suggestions on how to make us white people with dark skin. The average American of European descent does believe this. It is because their idea of success is different than ours. It is individualized, for example, one of the suggestions is to get a job in a white city because there are no jobs near the reservation. Like we are too dumb to figure this out for ourselves. But you see, we have already lost everything but that little patch of land called the reservation and what little is left of our cultures. So success to us would be to bring jobs to the reservation and to keep others (new agers) from appropriating and perverting our culture for sale to ignorant fools. The whole idea behind the American melting pot is to turn everyone into white people, it's called assimilation. That is behind other white ideas to make us fit in better, forced integration, missionary religions, sending our children to boarding schools or into white adoptive homes, forcing us to lose our native languages and speak only English. That is why racism won't go away, because other ideas of success are unacceptable and inferior. I try to tell people that we are different, but equal. It's a hard sell amongst people who think they are better than everyone else in the world, different is automatically worse to them.

I'm don't call what you're talking about "racism" because racism, to me, implies a hostility that I don't see in well-meaning advice from people who value their own culture above those they are unfamiliar with.There IS a certin cultural aggression in what you describe. I just find it easier to resist the aggression when I'm not trying to counter a hostility that isn't there.

The hostility becomes obvious only when you reject their advice. Then you get stuff like, "Well, if you don't know what's good for you then you deserve what you get."Whether you want to call it valuing your own culture above others, or superiority over others, it is racism (or sexism, nationalism, etc). You are already assuming that someone is inferior to you, whether you are hostile about it or patronizing. I'm sure there were some white folks who genuinely thought they were doing us, Native Americans, a favor by putting our resources in a trust to be managed by them. We were too dumb to manage our own affairs because we are inferior so we need white folks to take care of us. Eventually those guardians noticed that no one was watching and fleeced us, but it's better that white folks mismanage our money than we do it for ourselves, or heaven forbid, the savages might have been able to better utilize their own resources and watch over them so that we don't get robbed blind. That's the point I'm trying to get across, racism with a friendly face is still racism. It's also what you see going on in Iraq now, Americans think they know what is best for Iraqis and will install their sort of government with very little input from actual Iraqi people. Some I'm sure are well meaning, others are looking to fleece Iraq. The best custodians of Iraq are Iraqis, but there are prejudices, biases, and bigotry working against a solution that fits with the many cultures and people in Iraq.

I'm not really disputing you, Donna. Paternalism never seems to do well by the people who are being "cared for." And folks know what you mean when you call it racism.I'm just saying I sort it out in more detail because I my response to someone who means well but is doing badly, is going to be very different than the response to someone who means ill and does it well. I've got to be clear about how it's impacting me and mine. Often I can deal with it and bypass the race thing altogether. Sometimes I have to put the race thing right up front where everyone can see it. Sometimes it literally is powerless (I make a point of laughing at this type).But that's me. And I don't have the particular issue you're dealing with. Black folks' culture IS American culture—American culture is as much African as European.