THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Today, I'm real proud to be welcoming Australian Prime Minister John Howard and his frumpazoid wife whatsherface here to the Western White House. This is a special place for me and Laura - a place where we can get away from all that stress and hard work in the other White House - usually for month-long stretches when we feel like a break from our weekly three-day weekends at Camp David. Why, did you know that since I've been President, we've spent almost nine whole months kickin' it vacation-style here on the ranch? Well it's true. And I'm mighty pleased that Prime Minister Howard was amenable to having our little ho-down here instead of Washington DC. As if he really had a choice in the matter.

You see my life is every eight-year-old boy's (and some suspiciously dykey girls') dream. I pretended to be an jet fighter pilot last week and I'm having a blast pretending to be a cowboy this week. Who knows what fun costume I'll show up in next. I'm thinking about addressing them folks in Congress as a lion tamer! Or maybe an astronaut. Well, the kind that make it back, that is. Wouldn't that be cool?