I did say I had three and a half.

There are places and times that it's hard to become a Man. Like most of the problems we have, the physical part is automatic. But to become a Man…and we're not going to jerk around denying there are emotional and social dimensions in our recognition of manhood…one must be accepted as a Man by self and society.

In this society, the USofA, there are several rites of passage that indicate the assumption of adult rights, status and responsibilities…getting a drivers license, the first time your mom let you choose cool clothes, high school graduation, the first credit card. And even if you never do any of that, you gain the legal status of adult when you reach the age of majority.

But being a Man is different than just being legal, being an adult. Think about it…picture an archetypical male. What's he like?

"Cool Pose; The Dilemmas of Black Manhood In America" by Richard Majors and Janet Mancini Billson (from which I drew several ideas in this area) says:

"African American men have defined manhood in terms familiar to white men: breadwinner, provider, procreator, protector."

Protect, provide, procreate. Makes sense. The biology drives us to reproduce, and we protect and provide for the resulting family. We meet the demand with activities available to us, and the skills we've learned so far…by having a family or doing things that satisfy soothe that biological itch.

But being a man is more than just being an adult male human. True, that is the minimal definition, but the ways we use the word ("Be a man about it." "Real men don't . . .") shows we attach meaning to the word beyond the mere possession of a penis. And it's very important…VERY important… to men to feel they are men (in the more than minimal sense-which state I will henceforth refer to as masculine so I don't have to keep explaining it).

It was easy for early male humans to be masculine. It was a direct extension of biological maleness. Men were the providers and protectors, hunters and warriors. Aggressive, testosorone-driven behavior was the sign of masculinity, the ability to provide and protect which earned you status and the right to procreate.

When human culture developed to the point where survival, even prosperity, could be had without physically snatching it from someone else, things became more complex. Symbols of social power became an acceptable substitute for physical power. In fact, it became the preferred form of power because social power can get you things physical power never could. Physical superiority wasn't eliminated as a symbol of manhood, though. I would expect the most militant feminist to recognize Evander Holyfield as more masculine than Bill Gates. But…and this is an aspect of the problem men face…social power, the preferred kind, is not such that physical superiority is necessary to wield it. On deep level men (and women, to be truthful) expect power to flow from physical strength. Add in the fact that one can own symbols of power without actually having any power and you have the basis for some serious confusion about who is where in the hierarchy…not a good thing in a social species.