Mark Morford may have just displaced Ted Rall of the Conservative Hate List
To be read in connection with I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning .
Why Hookers Love Republicans
At the GOP Convention, where scores of sex pros gear up to party with "moral" conservatives
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, July 16, 2004
"BoBo? It's Syndee. You ready, girl? The convention starts in an hour, and the senators are salivating!"
"Hi, Syn! Almost ready! Just finishing my makeup. Hey, which outfit you think I should wear tonight? My red, white, and blue glitter spandex halter with the peekaboo panties, or the red vinyl skirt with the Velcro tear-away crotch and the big picture of the M-1 tank on the butt?"
"Oooh, I'd go with the tank, Bo. This is the GOP convention, girl! These Republicans love their war, you know? It's all about big phallic missiles and manly howitzers and 'weapons of ass destruction.' Be sure to use that line, too -- they eat that stuff up. Hurry up! The cab's waiting!"
"Howitz-what? Hang on one more minute, Syn -- I wanna look my best. After all, I hear we got a lot of competition this week."
"Bo, there's so many strippers and hookers in town to play 'hide the WMD' with these conservatives, it would make Larry Flynt proud. They flew in from London, Seattle, L.A., all over, just for this, because demand is so high."
"Wow! Wait wait wait, I'm confused. Aren't the Republicans supposed to be the 'moral,' sex-hating, anti-women, Bible-quoting ones? I don't get it."
"Worst-kept secret in all of politics, Bo. It's a fact: Demand for sex workers is at an all-time high when the GOP convention's in town. Hell, there was even a New York Daily News article about it a while back. These Repubs are such a desperately horny, repressed bunch, they just can't get enough of paying for 'amoral' sex. So ironic. If Middle America only knew how this group is so fulla perverts and horndogs, they'd have a fit."
"I bet they already know, and just don't wanna 'fess up to it? I mean, I even heard that little Johnny Ashcroft has a secret fetish for tequila and handcuffs."
"So true! It's funny, people think the GOP convention must be all about square dancing and white-wine spritzers and bow ties and wistful Reaganomics. Ha! Remember, BoBo, this is the party of guns and corporate money and repressed homosexuality and big oil, misogyny and Xanax addictions and war war war. These GOP boys have some good issues. Deep-seated anxieties and fears and the most extensive secret gay-porn collections you've ever seen! Cut these boys loose among their own and it's like putting a priest in a schoolyard."
