We're doomed
When Really Bad Pop Stars Go Really Bad
The Cat Stevens threat looms.
By Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz is author of "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers," to be published in October by Simon & Schuster.
September 23, 2004
Hours after being refused entry into the U.S., 1970s recording star Cat Stevens lashed out at the government Wednesday, vowing to resume his recording career "immediately" as the ultimate act of revenge.
Appearing on the Arabic-language satellite TV channel Al Jazeera, a visibly angry Stevens — now known by the name Yusuf Islam — threatened to attack the United States with the full force of his insipid folk-rock music.
Brandishing an acoustic guitar, the erstwhile pop star warned that "no one in America would be safe from my insidious melodies" before launching into a spirited rendition of his 1971 hit "Peace Train."
A spokesman for the CIA said experts needed more time to study the chilling video but that it appeared to be authentic: "We do not believe that anyone but the real Cat Stevens remembers the lyrics to 'Peace Train.' "
