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I'm not having fun

Submitted by Prometheus 6 on April 23, 2005 - 5:30pm.
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My father is the kind of sick that only ends when the laws of thermodynamics take full effect...and that may not be for a while. I'm kinda hiding behind writing and coding right now.

I can stand up and do what I have to do, but I wish I knew how to comfort people rather than just help. I wish I was capable of being comforted. I keep seeing with my memory instead of my eyes. Probably because I don't really want to see with my eyes.

My parents have been married for over 50 years. I can't imagine what my mom is feeling.

And what's really fucked up is I can't stop being clinical in my observations of my father. I can't help recognizing every fragment that falls away.

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Good luck to you.
Submitted by DarkStar on April 24, 2005 - 4:46pm.
Good luck to you.
P6:I lost my dad last year
Submitted by fullnelson on April 25, 2005 - 12:18pm.

P6:

I lost my dad last year after his long assault by cancer had reduced him to a parody of his joyous, loving self.  He and my mom had been married for 52 years, but had dated before that, in high school.  They were each other's one great love.  He died at home, with all of us at his bedside caring for him--and each other--until his last breath.

No one can make this time easier for you.  No one can tell you how to get through it, but you will.  It's not going to be fun.  It will suck big-time, but it won't last forever.  Focus on caring for your mother however you can; make sure she gets enough sleep, enough to eat.  Just the simple stuff for now.  Don't worry about making profound statements of sympathy or support; no one can really hear it right now anyway.  You're just trying to support each other enough to make it through, and to allow your father a loving and caring transition.

Pray (if you do--and if you can); it helps.  Call your friends and let them know what you're dealing with; those who love you will find a way to make sure you feel it.  Spend as much time as you can with your dad and tell him you love him, simple as that. 

My heart goes out to you and your family.