Let me start by saying I ain't really mad at no one. Well, maybe specific individuals in my life but you know what I'm saying.
I really do understand your problem. You have to appeal to regular guys. You've made strategic and tactical decisions I feel are short-sighted. You should be expanding the coalition, not just shifting its composition.
And you could be expanding the coalition.
It makes perfect sense to steal the right's thunder here and there in areas like defense, where its strength depends greatly on misrepresenting your positions. It makes no sense to reach out in ways that are (at least in principle) anathema to your principles.
Your biggest error is attempting to negate the Southern Strategy that has brought so much success to the Republican Party. That strategy forged the white identity political movement that Newt & Co. rode into power.
You cannot ignore that movement. Neither can I.
You can't uncreate it either; neither should you want to if your goal is governing rather than ruling. It is the second stage in a serious acceptance of the multicultural nature of our society (the first was their reaction to watching Bull Connor's crew at work in their own living room). The answer is to accept that identity, to take it into account rather than negate it.
I'm not saying you should play with it or play off it. I'm saying white folks have needs that are as specific to their socialization as Black folks do.
Primary among them seems to be a precise surgical extraction of racism from their list of concerns. The difference between conservative and progressive responses is the difference between "I was never responsible" and "I will never be responsible."
I am aware white folks will call you racist if you acknowledge this (curiously, statements like "And honestly, it wasn't untrue" pass unremarked upon). I am not suggesting you make any such public statement. I am saying I'd much rather see you address their positive needs.